<div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 이것은 한평생을 졸렬하게 살아온 종자의 유언장이오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">주변 사람들이 말하더이다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">영웅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이라고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">하지만 나는 영웅이 아니오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">폐에서 시작 된 암 덩어리가 온몸으로 퍼진 지금에서야 나는 고백하오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">영웅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 아니오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span> </div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 때는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">1980</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">년 내가 서른한 살이 되던 해였소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">박대통령이 서거하고 끝날 것이라고 생각된 군부정치는 다시금 시퍼런 이빨을 드러냈고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그에 맞서 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">계엄령 철폐</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">를 외치며 거리에서 학생들이 쏟아져 나온 날이었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그날의 나는 친구들과 달빛을 안주삼아 막걸리에 취해있었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 창문 밖으로 길에서 사람들이 쏟아져 나오고 교복을 입은 소년과 소녀들이 길을 가득 메우자</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 무언가 내 몸에서 들끓는 것이 느껴졌소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">학생들은 저마다 두건을 두르고 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">계엄철폐</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">독재타도</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">와 같은 종이 뭉치들을 뿌려 되었다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나는 들끓는 피를 참지 못해 방문을 열어젖히고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그 대열을 따라 달렸소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그때의 나는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">대의</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">숭고한 희생정신</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 아닌 그저 젊은 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">혈기</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">로 제지하는 친구들의 손을 뿌리치고 영웅들의 대열에 합류했었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그날의 나는 몰랐다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그저 혈기로 감당 할 수 있는 일이 아니라는 것을</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 수백 명이 모여 한목소리로 길거리를 메웠을 때</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저 멀리 경찰과 군인들이 보였다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">설마</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그래도 같은 사람인데</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이렇게나 사람이 많은데</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">?’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라는 생각도 잠시 몇 번의 사이렌 소리가 울린 뒤 총탄소리와 매캐한 연기가 거리를 메웠다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 매캐한 연기가 눈깔을 파먹자 죽기 살기로 달렸소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내 앞을 달리던 단발머리 소녀가 넘어지자 나는 그 소녀를 밟고 도망갔소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소녀는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">억</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">과 같은 단말마와 함께 내 뒤로 달리던 사람들에게 연속적으로 밟혔소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 그 소녀를 밟고 도망갈 때의 감촉을 잊지 못했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내가 눈물과 콧물을 질질 흘리며 당도한 것은 막다른 골목이었고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나 말고 눈에 총기가 가득한 소년하나와 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">전두환은 자진 사퇴하라</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">독재타도</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라는 두건을 쓴 소녀 두 명이 쿨럭 거리고 있었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나는 순간적으로 무언가 잘 못됨을 느꼈소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내가 있는 곳은 막다른 골목</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그리고 꽤 가까운 곳에서 들리는 집단적으로 움직이는 소리</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;">……</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 필사적으로 담을 넘으려고 했지만</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">담은 너무나도 높았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 내가 담을 넘으려고 버둥대는 사이 내 등 뒤로 경찰 한명과 군인 대여섯이 무장을 한 채로 피식</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">- </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">되며 웃고 있었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그들이 우리에게 던진 말은 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">어이 빨갱이들 동작 그만</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그 말과 동시에 나는 얼어붙었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나이가 오십 정도 되어 보이는 형사는 소년의 멱살을 잡았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 그러곤 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 새끼 결국 일 치는구먼</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">너 오늘 잘 걸렸다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저번에도 너였지</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">?’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 소년을 구타하기 시작했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소년의 뺨이 시뻘게 질 정도로 형사는 따귀를 후려 갈겼소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">골목 안에는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">독재타도</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">가 아닌 날카로운 마찰음이 가득 찼소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 소년의 입에 피가 터지자 양 갈래 머리를 한 소녀 둘이 형사에게 달려가 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">더러운 군부의 개</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 형사를 밀치고 따귀를 날렸다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">하지만</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">두 명의 소녀는 그들의 상대가 되지 못했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">군인들은 달려드는 소녀에게 조소를 날리고 군화로 얼굴을 밟았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">순식간에 학생 셋의 얼굴이 개떡이 되었다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 그리고 군인 셋이 내 쪽으로 걸어오자 나는 무릎을 꿇고 빌었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 관계가 없는 사람입니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 그냥 시민입니다 경감님</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’ </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">무릎을 꿇고 개처럼 기어 형사의 바짓가랑이를 붙잡고 필사적으로 빌었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 내 등에 날카로운 군화가 꽂히자</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">필사적으로 소리쳤소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 정말 관계없습니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">정말입니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">두건도 쓰지 않았잖습니까</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">지금 이 상황은 오해입니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 그냥 친구 술심부름 가는 중이였다고요</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 저들과 관계없습니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라고 말했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그러자 경감은 내 얼굴을 보더니 군인들을 제지했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나이 지긋한 형사는 어쩐지 입 꼬리가 올라가 있었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그러곤 소년에게 묻더이다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 사람 정말 관계없어</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">?’, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소년은 피범벅이 된 얼굴로 나를 지긋이 쳐다보았소이다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그러곤 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">모르는 사람이오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">관계가 없는 사람입니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그냥 시민이니</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나만 벌 하시오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라고 말했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나는 뼛속까지 졸렬한 종자였기에 그 말에 미안함</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">부끄러움이 먼저 느껴진 것이 아닌 살았다는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">안도감</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 들었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">하지만</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">군부의 개들은 나를 놔주지 않았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그들이 내게 한 말은 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그냥 보내 줄 수 없다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">빨갱이가 아닌 것을 증명해라</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">였다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나는 살고 싶었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">눈앞의 개들은 시퍼런 이빨을 드러낸 채 번뜩이는 총구를 우리에게 들이밀고 있었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">살고 싶었기에 나는 옷을 벗었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 무고합니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">증명하겠습니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나리들</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이것 보세요</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 무기도 없습니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’ </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">찝찝한 공기 속에서 나는 팬티 한 장만 남을 때까지 주둥아리를 나불대며 그들 앞에서 스트립쇼를 했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 피식</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">- </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">거리며 웃는 그들 앞에서 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">조금만 더하면 살 수 있겠구나</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라는 생각이 들었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">구타당한 소년과 소녀들은 나를 쳐다보며 아무 말이 없었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">금방 전까지 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">계엄철폐</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">를 함께 외쳤건만</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;">……</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 그들을 무시 한 채로 손이 발이 되도록 빌었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 그리고 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">살고 싶어서</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’ </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소년에게 달려가 싸대기를 날리며</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">망할 빨갱이 새끼</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">너 같은 새끼 때문에 국가가 발전이 없는 거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">국가의 암 덩어리</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 양 뺨을 후려 갈겼소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그랬더니 형사가 웃더이다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">대가리 속에 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">희망</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 차오르자</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 군화에 짓밟혀 부들거리는 소녀 두 명을 맨발로 밟으며 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">걸레 년</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">창년</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">너희 둘은 살아 있어 봤자 빨갱이들 좆집 밖에 안 된다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 배를 걷어찼소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">전두환 만세</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">! </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">박정희 만세</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">대한민국 만세</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">전두환은 대한민국의 빛이요</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’ </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 나는 영웅들을 구타했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">스물도 안 되는 꽃들에게 나는 폭력을 행사하고 냄새나는 개들에게 무릎을 꿇고 꼬리를 흔들었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이것 보십시오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">군인 나리</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">경감 나리</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’ </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 거짓 미소를 얼굴에 가득 메꾼 채 그들의 시선을 끌고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">주변의 짱돌로 내 약지를 내려찍었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">저는 빨갱이가 아닙니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">약속을 뜻하는 네 번째 손가락을 국가에 충성한다는 의미로 바치겠습니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’ </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그렇게 내 네 번째 손가락이 박살났다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">경감은 되었다는 듯이 고개를 끄덕였소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그리곤 어디론가 전화를 걸더이다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">한 시간 정도 대기</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 길가에 주저앉았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">군인 둘은 소녀를 발로 툭툭 걷어찼소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">경감은 그들을 흘깃 한번 보더니 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 뒤에 공터 있다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">거기서 얌전히 먹어</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라고 했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그러자</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소년은 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그만해</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">당신은 양심도 없어</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">?’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라며 소리쳤고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">심기가 거슬린 경감은 소년의 배때기에 총을 발포했다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">빨갱이 주제에 입만 살아가지고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소년은 그 앞에서 끅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">-</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">끅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">- </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">거리며 시뻘건 피를 바닥에 뿌렸소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">소녀들은 다 터진 채로 입으로 중얼거리며 울었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">하지만</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">군인 셋은 싸대기를 몇 대 더 후려갈긴 뒤 공터로 데려갔다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">몇 분 지나지 않아</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;">……</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">비명에 가까운 신음소리와 울음에 어울리지 않는 남자들의 웃음소리가 뒤섞긴 역겨운 음악이 시작되었다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나는 아무것도 할 수 없었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">아니</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">아무것도 하지 않았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">경감은 내 앞에 앉아 내 얼굴을 지그시 쳐다봤소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">앞으로 한번만 더 빨갱이 짓 하다 걸리면</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">손가락 하나로 안 봐줄 주 알아</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그 말에 나는 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">네</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">다시는 그러지 않겠습니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라고 대답했소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">팬티도 벗지</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">? </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">날도 찝찝하고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">심심한데 팬티 벗고 섹시댄스나 춰봐</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라는 요구에 팬티까지 벗고 나는 혼신을 다해 노래를 부르며 춤을 췄다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그리고 간간히 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">전두환 대통령 만세</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">위대한 대한민국 만세</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">!’, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">라고 외치는 것도 잊지 않았다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그렇소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 뼛속까지 비열하고 졸렬한 인간 이였다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 얼마 지나지 않아 골목 너머로 버스 몇 대가 섰고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">채 자라지 않은 가슴이 다 노출 된 채로 소녀는 그 버스에 끌려갔고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">또 한명의 소녀는 알몸으로 군인에게 팔다리를 잡힌 채</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">복날 개 마냥 끌려갔소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">피를 흘리던 소년은 검은색 승용차 트렁크에 실렸다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그렇게 나는 혼자 살아남았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">혼자 남았을 때</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이미 막걸리 기운은 온데간데없었고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">팬티를 부여잡은 채 나체로 끅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">-</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">극거리며 한참을 울었다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 그리고 내게 남은 건 이름 모를 영웅의 핏자국과 그들이 남겨둔 두건이었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">한참을 울다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 집으로 돌아갔고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 어째서인지 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">영웅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이 되었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내가 손가락이 엉망이 된 채로 돌아오자 친구들은 나를 더러운 군부에 맞선 영웅이라고 치켜세웠고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 그들에게 그날의 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">사실</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">을 말할 수 없었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. - 내가 영웅을 버리고, 군부의 개들에게 아양을 떨었다는 역겨운 인간이라는 사실을-</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 그렇게 어린 영웅들의 피가 한바탕 길거리를 메운 뒤</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">거리가 다시금 상쾌한 공기를 머금었을 때</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">거짓 영웅이 되었소이다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">영웅이라고 치켜세우며 무용담을 원하는 그들에게 사실을 말할 용기가 없어 침묵했고</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내 침묵은 그들에게 겸손으로 비추어졌소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 나의 졸렬함과 죄책감을 씻기 위해 기부했던 돈들은 나를 </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">시대의 영웅</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">’</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">으로 만들었소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내 거짓과 죄를 씻기 위해 한 행동들은 나를 더욱더 괴롭게 했다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">하지만</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 뼛속까지 졸렬한 종자라 나를 지켜보는 이들에게 그날의 진실을 말 할 용기가 없었다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">비겁한 나는 죽음을 앞둔 이제야 말을 하오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"></span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> ‘</span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 영웅을 보았소</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">하지만 그 영웅들은 영광의 자리가 아닌 이름 석 자 남기지 못한 채 차가운 콘크리트 바닥에 피를 흘리며 죽었다오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이것이 진실이오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.’</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"></span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> 미안하오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그렇게 두고 가서 미안하오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내 장례식은 아주 간소하게 해주오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내 뼈는 조각조각 내어 바다에 뿌려주오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">나는 따듯한 흙에 누워 잘 수 있는 작자가 못되오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">그리고 돌아오는 내 기일에는 모이지 말아주오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">대신</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">내가 영웅을 보았던 자리에 매년 찾아가 그들을 닮은 새하얀 수선화 세 송이를 놓아주오</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">이것이 내 마지막 속죄요</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> <div></div></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> <div></div></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> <div></div></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">- 우리는 세월호를 잊지않았습니다. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">- 우리는 소녀상을 지킬 것입니다.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">- 꿈과 희망이 넘치는 공포게시판으로 오세요.</span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"> <div></div></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">PS. </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">민주화 운동 당시 피를 흘린 모든 분께 존경과 조의를 표하며</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">, </span><span style="background:rgb(255,255,255);">감사의 말을 전합니다</span><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);letter-spacing:0pt;font-family:'함초롬바탕';">. </span></div><div style="background:rgb(255,255,255);"><span lang="en-us" style="background:rgb(255,255,255);font-family:'함초롬바탕';"> </span></div>
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본인 창작글입니다.
5.18 민주화 운동 당시, 그냥 사람으로서 무기를 가진 '집단'에게 대항하는 공포는 어땠을까? 라는 생각으로 쓴 글입니다. 본 글의 주인공은 비난 받아 마땅하나, 압도적인 폭력 앞의 개인이 맞선 공포를 생각하면 바로 비난 할 수는 없죠.
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