If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphones
And they wanna know, oh oh oh (the return)
If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the crowd is here
And the lights are on
And they want a show, oh oh oh, yeah
Yeah, uh, a fresh cool young Lu
Trying to catch his microphone, check 2-1-2
Wanna believe my own hype but it's too untrue
The world brought me to my knees, what have you brung you?
Did you improve on the design, did you do something new?
Well your name ain't on the guest list, who brung you?
You, the more famous person you come through
And the sexy lady next to you, you come too
And then it hit me, standing outside of Heaven
Waiting for God to come and get me, I'm too uncouth
Unschooled to the rules and too gumshoe
Too much of a newcomer and too uncool
Like Shadow and Lavelle, I battle with it well
Though I need a holiday like lady who sung "Blue"
Go back, whatever you did you undo
Heavy as heaven, the devil on me, two tons too
Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha
If you are what you say you are a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphones
And they wanna know, oh oh oh, yeah
And you better wear your shades
The spotlights here can burn holes through the stage
Down to the basement, past the Indian graves
Where the dinosaurs laid
Then out through China, nearly miss the airliners
Magnified times five, unless it's pointed at the rhymer
Ricochets off the moon and sets the forest ablaze
Now that's important to say
Cause even with all that most of us don't want it to fade
We want it to braid
Meaning we want it to grow, meaning we want it to stay
Like the governor called and he told him to wait
Unstrap him from the chair and put him back in his cage
The audience ain't fazed
And they ain't gonna clap and they ain't gonna praise
They want everything back that they've paid
Cause they've been waiting since ten to see the lights get dim
Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha
If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the crowd is here
And the lights are on
And they want a show, oh oh oh, yeah
So chauffeur, chauffeur, come and take me away
Cause I've been standing in this line for like five whole days
Me and security ain't getting along
And when I got to the front, they told me all of the tickets were gone
So just take me home where the mood is mellow
And the roses are thrown, M&M's are yellow
And the light bulbs around my mirror don't flicker
Everybody gets a nice autograph picture
One for you and one for your sister
Who had to work tonight but is an avid listener
Every song's her favorite song and mics don't feedback
All the reviewers say "You need to go and see that"
And everybody claps cause everybody is pleased
And then they all take the stage and start performing for me
Like, "Ha ha ha-ha-ha
Ha ha ha-ha-ha, ha"
If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphones
And they wanna know, oh oh oh
If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the crowd is here
And the lights are on
And they want a show, oh oh oh, yeah
If you are, what you say you are
Then have no fear
