<blockquote style="margin:0px 0px 0px 40px;border:none;padding:0px;"><p><font size="2"><br></font></p> <p><font size="2"><br></font></p> <p><font size="2"><br></font></p> <p><font size="2"> 방은 현대식으로 기묘하게 존재하고 있었다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그녀가 가지는 현실의 방은 아닌 듯 했다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>어떤 건축가가 꾸민 듯 했고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>일반적 가정집은 아니었다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그녀가 생활하고 있는 방은 아닌지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>일반적인 옷들과 침구류는 보이지 않는다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>무수히 많은 사진들이 고전 <span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">SF</span>영화처럼 공중에 걸려있다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그녀는 이따금 공중에 걸린 사진을 걸어내려서 감상하고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>다시 걸어둔다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>다시 걸어두는 위치는 일정치 않다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그녀 스스로 정리하는 것을 거부하는 듯이<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>명백히 혼돈의 움직임이었다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그 의지는 혼돈의 순수성만큼 질서정연했다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그건 내팽개쳐 진 것<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>혹은 버려진 것이었다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> 바깥의 시간은 알 수 없는 때였다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> 방은 현실 어딘가에서 격리된 공간인양<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>예로부터 내려오는 그녀의 마음 속인 듯 했다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>또는 그녀가 분리한 스스로의 모습인 듯 했다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>어느 쪽에 가까운지는 그녀조차도 모른다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> 방안으로 들어오는 방의 주인 그녀는 어린 소녀였다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>오늘은 무슨 행사가 있었던건지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>무수한 세상의 향기가 그녀와 함께 쏟아져 들어온다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그래도 존재감을 무수히 뿜어내는 그녀의 안개같은 분위기에는 따라가지 못했다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그녀는 그녀만이 모르는 안개 속에서 천천히 수화기로 다가간다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>교복 치마를 한번 쓸어내린다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>누군가의 시선을 신경 쓰듯이 교복 블라우스도 한번 살핀다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>리본에 붙은 실밥 하나를 찾아서 뜯는다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>길게 흘러내린 왼쪽 머리를 귀 너머로 넘긴다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>도마뱀 하나가 귀에 붙어있었다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>고요히 수화기를 든다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>다이얼 숫자만이 울린다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> 몇 분<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>혹은 몇 초의 침묵 후<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그녀는 기쁜 듯이 이야기를 시작한다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"><span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;"><br></span></font></p> <p><font size="2"><span style="letter-spacing:0pt;">「</span>전화<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>받을 수 있는거야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>괜찮아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>바쁘지 않아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>다행이야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>어쩐 일이냐고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>오늘 졸업식이었는데<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래도 전화로 마지막 인사는 해야할 것 같아서<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>책상에 올려둔 꽃은 받았어<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그러게<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>미안<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>너를 찾을수가 없어서<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그냥 어쩔 수 없이 교실 책상에 둔거야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>꽃이 너무 많아서 제대로 받은건지 모르겠다고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>음<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>아마 맨 아래 있던 붉은 꽃일거야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래 그거<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>잎사귀 없는 그 꽃<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>토모에 마미도 왔었지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>인사는 했는데<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>이야기는 나누지 못했거든<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그게 나는 부모님과 사진 몇장 찍고 빨리 돌아오느라<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>응응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.(</span>왼손으로 수화기를 바꿔들며<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>오른손으로 앞머리를 잠시 만진다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span>별 이유는 없어<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그냥<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>나는 친한 친구도 없으니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>음<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>뭐라고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>아냐<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그럴 리가<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>미안해<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>마도카 네가 있었는데 미안해<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그러게말야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>왜 그런 이야기를 했을까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그리고 미키 사야카<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>미키 사야카가 친구였을까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>결국 남은 중학교 동안 미키 사야카와는 친하게 지내지 못했잖아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>미키 사야카가 나를 신경쓰긴 해줬지만<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>솔직히 미키 사야카의 친절은 결과가 나쁜 편이었지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.(</span>소리죽여 웃는다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span>맞아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>뜬금없이 토모에 마미가 열었던 다과회 파티에 나를 끌고 와버렸지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>모모에 나기사가 나를 보고 무서워했었지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그래서 다들 당황했고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>왜 그랬는지 알아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>모르겠지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>근데 나는 잘 알거 같았어<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>왜냐구<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그러게<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>비밀로 둘까 싶은데<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.(</span>조금 더 웃는다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그렇네<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>이제는 더 함께 하기 힘든 일들이네<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>맞아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>어쩔 수 없지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>이젠 졸업인걸<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>끝이니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>다시 볼수는 있을까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>서로도 확신할 수 없는거지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>슬퍼도<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>슬픈걸까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>나도<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>아마도 그럴거 같아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>생각지도 못했지만<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>졸업이라는 건 나에겐 처음이니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>초등학생일때는 병원 뿐이었지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그 새하얗게 표백된 세계에서 졸업은 했지만<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그건 행복한 이별이었으니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>분명히<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>나는 소독약 냄새를<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>엄청 싫어했거든<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>어린애 같지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? (</span>표정이 이상하게 일그러진다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.)</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> </font><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;"> 음</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">응</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">응</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">맞아</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">며칠 전에 죽어가는 고양이를 묻어줬었어</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">검은 고양이였거든</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">응</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">검은 고양이</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">눈이 감겨있어서 눈 색은 보지 못했어</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">어째서 구해줬을까</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">음</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그게 구해준걸까</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">이미 죽은 시체인걸</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">맞아</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그 시체가 안쓰러웠어</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그 시체에 꼬이는 파리들과</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">시체를 다시금 밟으며 지나가는 차들이 미웠어</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그들의 잘못이 아닌데도</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그냥</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">싫었어</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">누군가가 떠올라서 그런걸지도 몰라</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">대답없는 것을 부여잡고 놓지 못하는 그런</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">버려진 시체말야</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">파리만이 들끓는 그것을</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">....</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그것을</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">두고 볼 수 없었거든</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">미안</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">졸업식 이야기인데</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">너무 우울한가</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...? </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">그냥</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">떠올라서</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">최근에 있었던 일은 그런 것 밖에 없었으니까</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;">듣기 싫었다면 미안해</span><span lang="en-us" style="font-size:small;line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></p> <p><font size="2"><span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;"> (</span>그녀는 표정을 지우고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>잠시 전화기 옆 소파를 바라본다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>시선을 준다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>앉을까 잠시 고민하는 듯 했다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>고민은 몇초였으나<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>짧진 않았다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.)</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> 아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>미안<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>내가 아무 말도 안 했지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...? </span>잠시 딴 생각을 했어<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>마지막 인사인데<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그러게<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>미안<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>이야기를 계속 했어야하는데<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>이제 고등학생이지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>아닐거야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>아마<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>나는 생각만큼 그런 사람이 아니니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>고등학교<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>가서도 조용히 혼자 지내지 않을까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>이제야 하는 말이지만<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>나는 미키 사야카처럼 겉이나마 밝은 사람이었으면 하기도 했거든<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그러니까 말이지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>미키 사야카 같은 사람은 스스로의 모습과 행운에 대해 오히려 엄격하잖아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>아마도<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>타인과도 스스럼 없이 지내고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>동시에 거짓되지도 않지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>속이 사려 깊은 것이<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>이중적인 건 아니니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>맞아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>내가 미키 사야카를 이렇게 칭찬하다니<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>있을 수 없는 일이지 않을까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>졸업일이니까 그런거라고 생각해줘<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.(</span>잠시 피로한 듯이 눈을 문지른다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span>아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>미안<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>잠시 눈이 아파서<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>방 조명이 너무 밝은걸까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>조명을 낮춰야겠다 싶으면서도 늘상 잊어버리는 것 같아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>그래<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>나답지 않으려나<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그래도 바꿀 마음이 들지 않더라<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>왜일까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>이 분위기를 잃는 게 싫은걸까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>어떻게 바꾸건 상관 없는 방이었는데도<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>막상 바꿔야하지 않을까는 생각은 이어지지 않는 거 같아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>그런 것 있잖아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>말로 설명하기가 어렵네<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>사실은 나도 어떻게 표현해야할지<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그러니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>힘겹거든<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>힘겨워<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.(</span>다시 피로한 듯이 눈을 문지른다<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span>눈이 계속<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>계속 건조하네<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>가끔은 마음대로 뭐든지 휙휙 바꿀 수 있으면 어떨까 싶기도 하지않아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>맞아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>응응<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그렇게<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>성별이나<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>키나<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>외모나<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>성격도<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>방의 모습을 바꾸듯이<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>원하는대로 마음껏<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그런데 말하고 보니 그렇네<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">? </span>방조차 의지대로 바꾸지 못하면서 나 자신이 바뀌길 원하다니<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>맞아<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span>그래서 나는 고등학교에 가서도 이대로일거야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>변하지 못하고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>변할 용기조차 가지지 못하고<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span>변할 수 있는 지식만을 가진체 썩어가는 물<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span>거대한 변화를 하고서도 그 뒤를 받아들이지 못하는 정체된 고인 물 말이야<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"> <span style="line-height:1.5;">그렇게</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">차라리 네가 남자였으면 어땠을까 싶기도 할 때가 있어</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">서로 사랑의 흔적을 남길 수 없는 나의 몸뚱아리는 차라리 절망이라면 절망일테니까</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그러니 이제 졸업해버린거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">모든 게 끝나버린거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그 고인 물은 이제 썩어들어갈거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">더더욱</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">확신할 수 있어</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">여지껏 해왔던 것처럼</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">...</span><span style="line-height:1.5;">이를테면 지금처럼</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. (</span><span style="line-height:1.5;">수화기를 던진다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">선이 연결되지 않은 전화기는 함께 떨어진다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">충돌 소리는 고요하다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">울리지조차 않는다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">송신음은 없다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그래</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">고통과 증오를 에너지로 삼는 나는 나를 증오하는 걸로 충분할 줄 알았어</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">너는 고등학생인 너로 이젠 너의 삶을 향해 찾아가는데</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그것만을 바라온 악마인 나는</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">어째서 행복하지 않은걸까</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">나는 죽어버리고 싶어져</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그리고 죽여버리고 싶어져</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">! </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">걸지도 않은 전화에 중얼거리는 미친년이 내가 될줄 누가 알았겠어</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">! (</span><span style="line-height:1.5;">거의 비명에 가깝다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">목소리는 갈라진다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">악마인 내가 있고</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">남은 나는 여신의 조각만을 부여잡고 있을 뿐이야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그걸로 될 줄 알았어</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그런데 아니야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그래서 미쳐버린 난 이제 그걸 알아</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">미쳐서야 진실된거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">이제 세상에 인간의 너라는 건 없지</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">너는 여신님의 아이니까</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">우린 애초에 친구도 아니니까</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">이제 졸업인거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">축하해</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">마도카</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">네 흔적도 이걸로 끝나버렸어</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그래도</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">이래선 안되는거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">그래</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">이제 나는 너를 해체하고 나만의 너를 다시 조각하는거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.(</span><span style="line-height:1.5;">수화기를 짓밟는다</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.) </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">피그말리온처럼</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">, </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">조각에서 졸업해서 인간이 된 너를 바라는거야</span><span lang="en-us" style="line-height:1.5;font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">. </span><span style="line-height:1.5;">이제 너는 내 바깥에 존재하지 않아</span><span style="line-height:1.5;letter-spacing:0pt;">」</span></font></p> <p><font size="2">나는 다시금 너를 조각할거니까<span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;">.</span></font></p> <p><font size="2"><span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;"><br></span></font></p> <p><font size="2"><span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;"><br></span></font></p> <p><font size="2"><span lang="en-us" style="font-family:'돋움';letter-spacing:0pt;"><br></span></font></p></blockquote>
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