제가 학교가고 두시간후에 하늘나라로 가버렸어요...
어제 새벽부터 고비를넘기면서 오늘아침 눈도 못뜨고 걷지도못한채 내 목소리를 듣고 힘없이 톱밥위를 기어가려고 애쓰던모습이 너무불쌍해서 내방에 깔아논 이불위에 눕히고 이불을 덮어줬는데 얼마나 살고싶었는지 이불 위를 힘없이 기어가려고 애쓰던모습과 평소엔 안기만해도 발버둥치며 빠져나가던 아이였는데 내손위로올라와 한참을 가만있던 몸에서 느껴지는 차가운 기운과 내목소릴듣고 쫑긋세운 귀..그리고 숨이 안쉬어져 고개를들고 숨넘어갈려던 모습들이 아른거려서 미칠것같아요...끝까지 살고싶어 이불위를 기어가던 모습이 자꾸떠올라요..원랜 팔팔하게 온 집안을 활보하고 다녔던 애였는데..우울증있던 엄마와 지친 우리가족들한테 항상 웃게해주고 쪼금한게 하는짓이 너무귀여워 보기만해도 행복하게해줬었는데 이렇게 갑자기 가버렸네요..너무 우울하고 아침에 본 그 죽어가던 불쌍한모습이 학교에서도 자꾸 아른거려 열번도넘게 울음터질려는거 꾹참느라 힘들었어요..오늘아침 내가 나가고 따뜻한 엄마손에서 두시간동안이나 더 버텨주다가 결국 하늘나라갔네요..너무 우울해요..우울한데 학교에선 밝은척해야되는것도 힘들고 이삼년 같이 살아와서 정든애가 한순간 이렇게 죽어가는데 살고싶어몸부림치던 모습이 자꾸 떠올라서 불쌍해죽겠어요..어떻하죠..이런걸로 이러나 싶으시겠지만 너무 아끼던 아이가 고통스러워하는 모습이 자꾸떠올라서 가슴아파미치겠어요...얼마나 살고싶어했고 힘들어했을까생각하면...